• In college, he helped me write my first grant proposal. I remember our late night phone calls as we included the “grant winning buzz words” he recommended. In the end, I did win a scholarship to study in Goa for the summer! That opportunity allowed me to learn about my research topic, my family, and probably most importantly, myself. Even until now, Gonz was my sounding board as I worked through many ideas, including lessons learned during that meaningful summer.
• A year later, Gonzi talked me through my decision to move to California after graduation, where I lived about an hour and a half from him. I can’t possibly explain what an impact Gonzi had on me during those two years. Gonz always made me feel like I was worth the long drive. In Berkeley, he showed me around his old hangouts and told me about his struggles and successes there, convincing me that I might be able to make it there, too. He’d regularly take me out to dinner (I was poor), walk with me around the lake, come to BBQs and parties, and talk with me about “life in general.” Our Thanksgiving road trip of 2003 was especially meaningful – he made me drive the whole last half (from 12:30 -6:30 am) while he snored in Sally’s passenger seat! But the conversations we shared were worth
everything.
I would often hear about one of his classes, “Creating a Meaningful Life,” which helped me along in doing just that. He loved meeting my friends in the Bay Area, and they loved him, too. Also in California, Gonz helped me connect with Sancho, who I didn’t know as well as Gonz before moving down. I liked thinking we were a family threesome. Gonz and Sancho still rank as two of my most fun cousins ever!!
• Most recently, Gonz was always talking me through my academic plan. Along with Ranae, he proof-read my application essays that helped me get into the program I’m in now. He was continuing to advise me about career paths and specialty areas as he went to India this summer. Since he's been away, I’ve been writing lists of the things I needed to ask him about when he comes back…there’s so much I still have to learn from Gonzi!
I’ve always considered Gonz as someone who rallied for the needs of underrepresented people. He was the first person I knew who championed rights of people with all types of abilities and disabilities. He never missed an opportunity to be inclusive, never left someone out. I really think that my drive to serve underserved populations stems from Gonzi’s example – I think we come from a family that defines “achievement” in a fairly traditional way, and Gonz broke ground in redefining those terms. Knowing Gonz was an activist, I felt like I could be one, too!
Gonz was important to me because he was important to family. When Gonz was off in Minnesota, I remember feeling like someone in our family was missing. When he came back, I saw how happy everyone in our family was: how my mom would gush in Portuguese, how my dad would cook up something special. When I was away in Bolivia, Gonz was one of the people who took the time to help Grandma write me letters. Seeing his handwriting all along the aerogram, with her shaky signature at the bottom, convinced me of what a loving family I have. Gonz brought us together and reminded us how good we are.
With Gonz around, I always felt like I was worthwhile. Gonz had a way of making me feel special every time I spoke with him. Gonz always listened to my problems and enthusiastically offered his opinion. In many ways, he knew me better than any other family member. His advice had just the right balance of flavors: conservative Indian family, young person in America, enough distance for perspective, and overall kindness. He was someone I was willing to listen to because I really felt like he understood and cared.
There are lots of lessons I’ve learned from Gonzi. One thing about Gonz is that he worked hard to define who he was and be respectful of himself. Most of the time, it didn’t seem easy – I guess it’s that way for everyone who really tries. Gonz was a trusted friend because he genuinely liked people. What a powerful idea, to actively and genuinely find worth in everyone you know! I’m not saying I didn’t hear complaints sometimes, but I did notice an unwavering faith in every single person’s intrinsic value. I hope I can live in an equally engaged, nurturing way.
Over the past ten years or so, I’ve really come to rely on Gonz for support and guidance. I’m shocked and sad that Gonz isn’t with me anymore. I still really need him. I look forward to finding support among all Gonz’s friends and family, and in knowing that he’s still supporting me, just in a different way. Gonz has taught me so much, and although I wish he could teach me so much more, I’m going to try to keep growing in the ways he would have been proud of.
Rachael De Souza,
Seattle, WA
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