Remembering Gonzaga one month later

I can hardly believe it has been one month today since that fateful morning when I learned the tragic news of Gonzaga's passing. In some ways it seems like just yesterday when suddenly and by no choice of my own the course of my life would be forever changed. Life as I knew it would never be the same. No longer would I greet him returning home late at night, weary from his day, to a darkened apartment except for the light coming from my laptop screen as I work at the dining room table. Lights would stay low and voices hushed out of respect for his sleeping parakeets and my canary Elvis. "Hey Gonzster!" I would say. And he would muster a tired "Hello" in return. Then he would offload his heavy bookbag into his room and return to the kitchen to prepare the dinner he had invariably skipped due to meetings and classes earlier in the evening. At first glance his curt reply and tunnel vision path to the kitchen might be construed as an unwillingness to talk to anyone. But I had learned that Gonz always had energy to connect with his loved ones. After the rest of us would have long exhausted our store of words to share and spent our patience to listen, he could still come alive at the slightest opportunity for a meaningful, encouraging, challenging interaction. I had only to venture into the kitchen and extend myself to him and he would welcome the engagement, ask how my day and life were, celebrate my victories and admonish me when he perceived me deviating from the optimal course for my life and dreams. With gratitude I reflect on countless occasions when I tested this truth about him and benefited from his wise counsel and loving, supportive friendship. And I grieve the loss of the special gift he was to me, irreplaceable in his unique combination of insight, care, wit, and availability.

But sadly it also seems like so long ago since his passing. So many activities, events, family drama, and just the routines, work, and progress of daily life have eagerly replaced any time I would have spent hanging out with and talking with the Gonzster. I realize this is not all bad and it is one way that I heal from pain of deep loss and mourning. But I cannot deny that I am the man I am today due in no small part to the friendship I enjoyed with Gonz over the past 20 years and especially living as his housemate these past 7 years. His values, principles, wisdom, and personality had guided me during our times together and now have new life as part of me in his absence. When I volunteer my time to serve at foster kids' camp I carry Gonz' spirit to champion the marginalized and fringe members of society. I remember him in this activity and so his memory is not lost on me or the children. In fact his legacy is multiplied even unbeknownst in the lives of all the campers and camp staff. When I allow myself to notice a friend is in special need of a listening ear or encouraging word and I actually interrupt my schedule to sit and be, I inwardly call upon what I learned from Gonz who had so masterfully demonstrated this art to me. I come away feeling stronger and learning more about Gonz and why he did what he did to make a difference in other's lives.

Ultimately I understand that the power and attraction of Gonz' life and example are that in emulating them I find myself closer to the true heart of my God and Creator. Yes, that is the big secret Gonz carried so well. He was a man of deep faith in God and Jesus, but he was not one to hit anyone over the head with the Bible. You were just as likely to find him standing in the second row at church, arms raised and worshipping in song as you were to find him at Le Boulanger connecting with friends for hours, talking politics or even railing against those in the church who give Christ a bad rap. He demonstrated His faith precisely as Jesus did, by simply living out his personal life mission while extending grace, peace, joy, patience, and kindness to anyone fortunate enough to rub shoulders with him.

May all those whose lives were touched by Gonzaga not let any part of him be wasted in his passing. May we recognize the ways in which he does or ought to live on in us. May we give life to those ways that keep him dear in our hearts and bring us each closer to the heart of our Creator.

And may God's special comfort, strength and blessing be on Gonzi's dear mum, brothers, and family who helped produce such a magnificent person as we have all known. We grieve with you and share in your devastation and sorrow.

In loving memory and tribute to my beloved Gonzaga,

Paul
Sunnyvale, CA