3rd DEATH ANNIVERSARY

GONZAGA DA GAMA PAIS (GONZI) 


IN REMEMBRANCE OF THE SUDDEN PASSING AWAY OF OUR BELOVED GONZAGA, THERE WILL BE A CELEBRATION OF THE HOLY EUCHARIST FOLLOWED BY PRAYERS AT HIS GRAVE ON 29TH JUNE, 2012, 7.00 AM, AT IMMACULATE CONCEPTION CHURCH, MOIRA. 


PRIESTS, RELATIVES AND FRIENDS, PLEASE ACCEPT THIS AS THE ONLY INVITATION 


By Fr. Anand da Gama Pais

Happy Birthday Gonzi

Gonzi, you celebrate your 49th birthday among the angels and saints. I can vividly see that smile and hear that laughter. Miss you.

Years fly. But the pain at the loss of our Gonzi does not diminish. He was a very affectionate cousin. His BIG heart would encompass all.

Cecilia
(Porvorim, Goa)

Remembering Our Dearest Gonzaga on his birthday

Today is Gonzaga's 47th birthday.

All of us who knew him would definitely call or email to wish him and he would return the call or email expressing his deep appreciation at the thoughtfulness.

He was a large person but even larger was his heart that reached out to one and all.

Fr. Anand da Gama Pais
Gonzi's kid brother

Remembering Gonzaga on his 2nd death anniversary

OBITUARY


GONZAGA'S GRAVE


Father Anand Pais

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GONZ

Dear Gonz

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

As you would always say "LIFE IS GOOD".
Till this day how can I forget the last 10 days that we spent together.
I will treasure every moment with you and my son Nikhil.
The lovely time we had at the Safari, our chats etc.

Hope you are with the angels and praying for us.
Until we meet again.

take care
Jose Da Gama Pais

Happy birthday dear brother

Hi Everyone

Today is my brother Gonzaga's birthday.

I use to wait for this day each year as he would always call me from the States a couple of days earlier to ask me 'Anand, what is my birthday gift this year'.

And I would always tell him 'Gonz, you ask and you will get it'.

He would immediately replay in his unique inimitable style 'Oooh, its ok Anand. LIFE IS GOOD'

That is our brother and our unforgettable true and genuine friend GONZAGA

Fr. Anand da Gama Pais
Goa

Fr. Anand, Dear Mum, Gonzi

Remembering Gonzaga on his birthday

Today the 15th of October is the birthday of Gonzaga. He would be forty six today
I just can't imagine that he is gone and that I will never hear from him anymore.
But I am sure that he is celebrating his birthday with all his loved ones up in
heaven. He is in the company of all the saints and angels in heaven
and is sending down on all God's choicest blessing.

Father Anand da Gama Pais
Gonzaga's brother
Goa, India

I am truly amazed

Dear All

I am truly amazed that my brother who came here in Kenya to say BYE to me.
spend the last 10 days of his life is remembered like this.

I am truly and definitely amazed and it has changed my life my whole value to exist.
finally I ask myself.
God works in mysterious ways...as definitely he never complained of any health issues
nor did he ever seem to be displeased with anything or anybody.
may be he was but never showed it.

I truly was blessed to have Gonz as my next sibling and definitely he showed that
amazing affection to one and all.
be it the family or his friends or his students.

Let us in any way try to carry his memory forward.
Let any of those who cared and valued know that they can anytime contact me his
eldest brother Jose and are more that welcome to get in touch with me.

My contacts: dagamapais@gmail.com
my phones at present: +254 725981929 / +254 202107998
and all of you are welcome in Mombasa as long as I am here.

Jose Da Gama Pais
Mombasa, Kenya

Message for the memorial

Just thought of quoting a few words of what I think my brother Gonzi would want to say to all of us from up above.


"Sorry I had to leave right away
I look down and smile at you everyday.
If friends remember and come to say Hi,
Tell them I've departed, but please don't cry.
And to others I'd like to say
Don't mourn because I've passed away
I am walking streets of gold
And am lucky the blessed Lord to behold.
Remember to say a prayer for me
I'll treasure your love through eternity.
So carry on as you did before
Till all of us meet on Heaven's bright shore.
Remember I love you, Remember I care
I'll always be with you
Though you don't see me there."

Fr. Anand da gama pais,

Goa, India.

(This poem was read at the end of the memorial service on July 18, 2009)

I miss you Gonz

I remember Gonz as a part of my life for as long I can remember understanding what an extended family means. Gonz is my mom’s cousin, but over the past 10 years or so I’ve really come to think of him more as my own peer, too. He was such a connector – bringing together different generations, different cultures, different ways of thinking, different experiences. He changed hats better than anyone I know. Gonz was a mentor to many young people, including me. Somehow he managed to be old enough to have experience, while young enough, “hip enough,” that I was willing to listen to him. He encouraged me to make some of the most meaningful decisions I’ve made so far:

• In college, he helped me write my first grant proposal. I remember our late night phone calls as we included the “grant winning buzz words” he recommended. In the end, I did win a scholarship to study in Goa for the summer! That opportunity allowed me to learn about my research topic, my family, and probably most importantly, myself. Even until now, Gonz was my sounding board as I worked through many ideas, including lessons learned during that meaningful summer.

• A year later, Gonzi talked me through my decision to move to California after graduation, where I lived about an hour and a half from him. I can’t possibly explain what an impact Gonzi had on me during those two years. Gonz always made me feel like I was worth the long drive. In Berkeley, he showed me around his old hangouts and told me about his struggles and successes there, convincing me that I might be able to make it there, too. He’d regularly take me out to dinner (I was poor), walk with me around the lake, come to BBQs and parties, and talk with me about “life in general.” Our Thanksgiving road trip of 2003 was especially meaningful – he made me drive the whole last half (from 12:30 -6:30 am) while he snored in Sally’s passenger seat! But the conversations we shared were worth
everything.

I would often hear about one of his classes, “Creating a Meaningful Life,” which helped me along in doing just that. He loved meeting my friends in the Bay Area, and they loved him, too. Also in California, Gonz helped me connect with Sancho, who I didn’t know as well as Gonz before moving down. I liked thinking we were a family threesome. Gonz and Sancho still rank as two of my most fun cousins ever!!

• Most recently, Gonz was always talking me through my academic plan. Along with Ranae, he proof-read my application essays that helped me get into the program I’m in now. He was continuing to advise me about career paths and specialty areas as he went to India this summer. Since he's been away, I’ve been writing lists of the things I needed to ask him about when he comes back…there’s so much I still have to learn from Gonzi!

I’ve always considered Gonz as someone who rallied for the needs of underrepresented people. He was the first person I knew who championed rights of people with all types of abilities and disabilities. He never missed an opportunity to be inclusive, never left someone out. I really think that my drive to serve underserved populations stems from Gonzi’s example – I think we come from a family that defines “achievement” in a fairly traditional way, and Gonz broke ground in redefining those terms. Knowing Gonz was an activist, I felt like I could be one, too!

Gonz was important to me because he was important to family. When Gonz was off in Minnesota, I remember feeling like someone in our family was missing. When he came back, I saw how happy everyone in our family was: how my mom would gush in Portuguese, how my dad would cook up something special. When I was away in Bolivia, Gonz was one of the people who took the time to help Grandma write me letters. Seeing his handwriting all along the aerogram, with her shaky signature at the bottom, convinced me of what a loving family I have. Gonz brought us together and reminded us how good we are.

With Gonz around, I always felt like I was worthwhile. Gonz had a way of making me feel special every time I spoke with him. Gonz always listened to my problems and enthusiastically offered his opinion. In many ways, he knew me better than any other family member. His advice had just the right balance of flavors: conservative Indian family, young person in America, enough distance for perspective, and overall kindness. He was someone I was willing to listen to because I really felt like he understood and cared.

There are lots of lessons I’ve learned from Gonzi. One thing about Gonz is that he worked hard to define who he was and be respectful of himself. Most of the time, it didn’t seem easy – I guess it’s that way for everyone who really tries. Gonz was a trusted friend because he genuinely liked people. What a powerful idea, to actively and genuinely find worth in everyone you know! I’m not saying I didn’t hear complaints sometimes, but I did notice an unwavering faith in every single person’s intrinsic value. I hope I can live in an equally engaged, nurturing way.

Over the past ten years or so, I’ve really come to rely on Gonz for support and guidance. I’m shocked and sad that Gonz isn’t with me anymore. I still really need him. I look forward to finding support among all Gonz’s friends and family, and in knowing that he’s still supporting me, just in a different way. Gonz has taught me so much, and although I wish he could teach me so much more, I’m going to try to keep growing in the ways he would have been proud of.

Rachael De Souza,

Seattle, WA

Until we meet in heaven

God placed a rare gem among us men on earth. And this precious gem could be seen among the old and young, rich and poor, family and friends, relatives and strangers, the strong and infirm, the physically needy and emotionally needy, the deserving and not so deserving , the close or distant--and they were all transformed/ touched/ healed /inspired.

Gonzi, you will never leave my heart. I am still secure with your huge bear hug before your Kenya trip. Bye, until we meet in Heaven.

Cousin Cecilia
Porvorim
Goa, India

recuerdo de gonz

I am grateful that Mom is on her way to Goa. We pray for her safe arrival and for all who are together and gathering in Goa and Mumbai to remember Gonzaga. Here in Nicaragua my family and I are remembering Gonzaga and praying for all in India and the US and everywhere who also love dear cousin, brother, friend, colleague, teacher Gonzi. My family here is great – over the past four plus years that I have lived with them they have gotten to know Gonzi through all the times he comes up in stories about our family in Seattle and India -- Delivering pizza in the snow -- studying insects -- international scholarships -- recreation therapy with adults and youth with disabilities -- fancy crusty bread -- conferences around the country, and world -- visiting dona Gertrudes in every vacation -- Birkenstock sandals -- coming to Seattle to watch Grandma Doris when we were away -- the death of his friends in the car accident -- not drinking -- the parakeets -- car Sally -- qualitative research -- being a loving best friend to Mom -- ethnographies with older graduate students and aptly-named ¨Dr. Kool¨ -- mentoring university and grad students -- teaching the ever-popular quality of life class -- Starbucks coffee -- grant writing -- sturdy shoes for walking -- visiting Grandma Doris first thing from the airport -- helping with the driving -- accompanying me to Safeway -- Chinese restaurants – Greenlake -- working at the laptop at the dining table -- drinking ice water -- deli turkey -- family holidays -- life, family and friends in San José -- Grandma Doris´s funeral -- always ready to help, to accompany, to listen -- chatting on gmail at work or by cell phone ¨Hola, cómo estás mi amiga?¨ he would greet me -- encouraging me to pursue the internship in Nicaragua -- that Mexican restaurant in Berkeley with flour tortilla chips -- helping me identify for myself what I wanted -- loving his friends and loving being with his friends -- taking good emotional and spiritual care of himself that allowed him to take good care of others -- putting into practice and acknowledging the importance of doing what one loves in the days that we´ve got ¨Life is gooood J¨ Gonz reminded us. Gonz spent the time in trial and error in figuring out for himself what made him come alive and living his life accordingly. I/We loved being around Gonzi because as someone true to himself he was alive to all of us. It´s hard to comprehend that Gonzi is gone, that just five days ago he was enjoying a long-awaited safari trip and emailing us about how much fun he was having… I am sad that Gonzi will not be calling me on my cell phone from San José, chatting online from Goa, or sleeping over on long weekends in Seattle. I think of Mom nearing her arrival in Mumbai who will see Gonzi´s body one last time and be together with all our family to remember him. I am thinking of all of you and especially on Monday for Gonzi´s burial. I am grateful for my dear cousin and friend Gonz and the example and love and honesty he has shared with me. I love you Gonzi. Thank goodness he has strung us all together to support one another, too. Love, Ranae

Ranae DeSouza,

Nicaragua.

My fleeting meetings with Gonzy

Inspired by Nikhil’s (Gonzy’s and my nephew) lovely article in this blog, touching upon the nephew-uncle relationship and beyond, thought I’ll quickly pen a few thoughts about Gonzy, since he spent the last 20 hours of his life in my home. Just by way of introduction, my sister is married to Gonzy’s brother Jose (Nikhil’s father) who resided in Mombasa. I had the pleasure of hosting Gonzy in Nairobi for under a day on his way back from Mombasa to Goa via Nairobi.

Although I do not intend this to be a chronological record of events that unfolded, thought I’ll mention some events fresh in my memory, thereby hoping to preserve them. I picked Gonzy and Nikhil up at the Nairobi airport on Sunday late morning and got to chatting about his stay in Mombasa. Gonzy was most thrilled about his Safari in Tsavo, and I’m happy that he spent some of the last few days of his life enjoying and seeing the best of nature and animals in their most natural habitat. Throughout his trip from the airport to my home, I remember Gonzy trying to gather in as much of his surroundings as possible and absorbing each moment to its fullest. Gonzy and I got into a lengthy discussion about the Famous Five’s habits in the wild, and what animals were seen readily and where, along with the individuality of the various gameparks around Kenya. Gonzy was fascinated with what he had seen in the Kenyan wilds and had promised to return back, along with a friend from the US. I sincerely hope that he has a much better view of the wild from wherever he is today.

I’ve not known Gonzy for too long. However, we were meeting more and more frequently in the last few years in Goa, since Gonzy was visiting Goa more often, including in the festive season of Christmas, which coincided with my yearly visits to Goa. During Gonzy’s visit to Nairobi, I did comment on the same and the fact that it was so great to re-kindle family relationships. Maybe, it had to do with passing on of experience to the next generation of nephews and nieces in Goa, maybe it was catching up with family and what Gonzy had missed during a onetime prolonged absence from Goa. Or maybe, something completely different, which only Gonzy could explain in his unimitable combination of US-accented English and Portuguese. Whatever the reason, I’m sure our extended families in Goa were only richer for the experience.

Children have always captivated Gonzy and they in turn have always been attached to him. I’ve seen him form strong bonds with his young nephews and they have looked up to him for inspiration and advice. Unassuming by nature, Gonzy has never been forthcoming about his professional and work related achievements. Consequently, this blog, though untimely by cause of origin, has been an eye-opener to me, especially in relation to what Gonzy has been keeping himself busy with in his professional life.

When embarking on this article, I was tempted to share the exchanges and events that led to his untimely demise on that fateful Monday morning, but decided against it, since I’d like to remember Gonzy from the limited and joyous times my family and I had the day before, wherein we exchanged interesting conversations, a lunch and dinner with Gonzy, whilst exploring a little bit of Nairobi. In the short span of time we had together, Gonzy made time to discuss interests and various other topics with Alysia, my daughter of 12, as well as Neil, my son of 10.

Alysia and Neil were the last to say a formal goodbye to Gonzy, before they left for school. Little did we all know how final it would be. Knowing Gonzy’s attachment to the younger generation, perhaps, it was only fitting.

Aulio Martins

Nairobi, Kenya.

God takes the best...

GOD TAKES THE BEST AND LEAVES THE REST BEHIND TO BECOME BETTER

--- by Dr.Silvestre Nazare, Germany

On Monday 22 June, almost a week before his death, Gonzi as we used to call him, wrote a mail to his brother Fr. Anand and I quote “I have begun realizing that I want to spend as much time as I can with Mae and you and with those I love and with whom I am not guaranteed much time”. Was his inner voice whispering to him that Providence had other plans for him? We shall never know. All we know for sure is this: that we shall sorely miss him, his jovial personality, his smile and his humour and most of all his willingness to listen and help. He detested conflicts and always looked for ways of conciliation and compromise and mediation.

On the blog that his friends in America have put on the Internet Gonzi has been described as a “Big Guy”. That he was; not only in his frame but in what counts most namely in his heart and in his head. There was something uniquely natural about him that put everyone at ease and filled the Gama Pais house when he was around. An exemplary and devoted son, he took a Sabbatical to spend almost six months with his Mother in Moira performing all sorts of household chores. He used to call her sometimes twice a day to chat and cheer her up.

It is really amazing- to quote his brother Fr. Anand – “that he almost lived his life for others in the family as well as in his profession”. This was probably precisely because of the difficulties he had to face as a child and student. He had to through the trauma of seeing the suffering and the untimely death at a young age of his father Caetano.Not deterred by any obstacles, he went on to study Agriculture at Dapholi in Maharashtra and Delhi and then on a Scholarship for a Doctoral Course in Entomology at Berkley, California. He however discovered that his vocation was connecting with people; so ultimately he did his PHD in Sociology at the University of Minnesota. Being a passionate Goan and proud of his roots in Moira, he preferred the sand and the seas of California and joined the Faculty of the State University of California at San Jose.

To die at such a young age means to have many dreams and hopes and plans unfulfilled and yet his Mother and brothers and nephews and niece who adored him were able to meet him one last time. And if we had to go up a thousand steps on our knees to bring our Gonzi back we would do it. But that is not possible. So we can only say: dear Gonzi, although you are no longer there where you were, you are now everywhere where we are, for we shall always remember and never forget you.

It is true that his sudden death has left the family and his dear ones speechless, distraught and stunned. Only the mothers among you’ll will fathom what this loss means to his mother and how devastated she is. But we also know that Gonzi , who never looked back and thought so positively, would like us to go about our daily lives and not be paralysed by sorrow. We have to be grateful that we had him as our friend and relative at least for a while. That God in the words of the Prophet Isaiah said “I have called you by name; you are mine” at such a young age is not for us to question but to accept.

Adieus Gonzi; may the Angels take you to Paradise and our Faith tells us that we shall all meet in the end when we come to dwell in the House of the Lord.

Fr. Anand da Gama Pais,

Goa, India.

Gonzaga's brother.

The last 10 days of Gonz’s life with Gonz - Nikhil Da Gama Pais

Where do I start??? What do I say???

In the last 3 days I have seen and experienced how life can turn a complete 180 without one even expecting anything like this.

I am just writing this well and truly from my heart.

Gonz may biologically be my uncle. But only I know that to me he was much more…a father figure to say the least.

My dad works in Kenya. The summer hols in goa my mum and brothers came to visit him but I could not due to my exams in college.

It was when he realized that I would be missing my time with my dad that he decided that he would accompany me to visit him so that I can bond with dad.

We left goa on 19th… we reached kenya.Mombasa that’s where my dad is. He only wanted one thing to do on this trip. Go for an African safari. That was his only wish for this trip. He never asked for anything more.

We spent a lot of time during the day together. Practically the whole day since during the week my dad would work.

He shared a lot of himself with me in these days than I think he had ever done earlier.

Told me all about his earlier days of struggle and what it took him to get to the States and all the hard work that he put in not only to get there but for many years after even getting there.

He never had a godfather to support him anywhere be it in India during his studies or once he reached there. He had lost his dad at the age of 15.the only help and support was from his mum and brothers.

He stood up on his own feet. And stood up the hard way.

He told me all this so that it would motivate me. Make me work hard. Make me go further… push myself a little more.

He would hate it when I would just waste my time either continuously watching sports or just lazing around whenever he used to call from the States.

Now that he had a lot of time to spend with me on a personal level during this holiday he spoke to me at length at times explaining to me how what choices I make now will make a difference in the long run…

He told me so much about his life in the u.s...His life with his room mates, Scottie sharp and Paul baty…

What a difference they had made in his life…how they took turns in taking care of him when he was sick and had a broken shoulder… how they innumerable many times dropped him and picked him from the airport and small things like that.

Listening to him only I could truly tell he loved these guys.

We also opened up about his other friends. paul chen, shu,alfred,ranjan,ines,j.d,,sancho…

Our cousin Maria and her family in Seattle who he had a very special bond with… very very special one…

How all of them were his family away from family…

I thank each and every one of them… some of whom I personally don’t even know…actually most of them…

Many times during this holiday he would take me to facebook and show me all his friends…show me their pictures… tell me all about them… what was special in them… how Scottie loves to work at e-bay…and loves to go skiing. About his car…how Paul was amazing at tennis.

Showed me pics of paul in his tennis kit…and lots and lots more

He was a great motivator. The best I have ever known and his students will agree with me on this. He had more faith in me and my abilities and in my brothers than even I did…

He was like a father to my 2 brothers and me…

I still remember how last year he made so many trips with me to my engineering school when my admissions process was going on… at times he would just sit in the car and wait till it was done or sit by my side and help me remain calm… he dint have to do all this but that was gonz.. the guy who cared to the max…at that time I dint realize it but today when I slowly reflect and try to get myself to accept it I think that he played one of the most crucial roles…

He did small things but important things… he was a guy you could always talk to no matter what the topic was and I experienced it in Africa…

He was most connected with mae.His mum…he always kept adding 2:30 hours to the time in Kenya so that he could think of what his mum would be doing in goa.. Whether she would be sleeping, praying, watching television… he knew it all since he spent almost all day with her… he kept her motivated. Got her puzzles like sudoku and word finders from there so that she could keep her mind working well.

He once mentioned to me this time that the only regret he had was not visiting her more earlier and now he was trying to make up for it by coming as often as possible…

He came 2 times a year without fail in the last 4-5 years.

When she was sick last year he spent around 6 months in goa just being by her side. Never leaving her even once.

He called her 2 times a day every single day without fail irrespective of where he was…

She is in shock… I request everyone to please pray for her…

We went on a 2 day safari together… you could tell that that was the best time of his holiday…. He loved animals…he loved nature… he would describe his experience as one of the best of his life… he had even decided that he wanted to come on another one with his friend Nicholas from Boston if I am not mistaken…

I guess God had other plans for him…

Another unique quality of him was that he always lived in the present. Never thought about the past. Never cared about what happened yesterday. Always looking forward to tomorrow…

He never ever lost his temper… never…

He tried to always look at things from a positive point of view…

He was a true gentleman in all respects…

He left a mark on most people’s lives with whom he came in contact with…

On our way back to India which he was very excited about since he wanted to see Mae dearly we made a one day stop in Nairobi.

On Monday morning he just collapsed in the bathroom…he was literally in my arms… I could do nothing about it. We rushed him to hospital but.

I still remember how we watched a football match together the previous night. u.s.a v/s brazil. It was the confederations cup final… he dint know a lot about football but eagerly was watching it.

We slept together on the same big bed. He even mentioned to me before saying good night- get some sleep nik tomorrow is going to be a crazy night. He said it in relation to our travel the next day i.e. Monday when we were leaving for Bombay since the whole night would have gone traveling and at the airports. From the next morning everything has been crazy but a crazy which cannot properly be described.

After he passed away I opened his wallet to see if I could find some documents which were needed by the authorities instead I found pictures of my brothers and me in there… I guess he loved the 3 of us more than we could ever imagine.

I have just tried to get my thoughts together and write this in memory of the big guy…

I don’t think I will ever be able to recover from this…just taking each day as it comes. No idea what tomorrow will bring… I only know that it’s going to be really really hard…Please pray for the Gama Pais family which is in shock and is devastated…

I apologize for any errors of any sorts be it with names or anything that might be there. I am no writer or anything… just an 18 year old college student who spent the last days of gonz with gonz.

He is up there and looking at us…They say God works in mysterious ways and has His reason for everything… everything that He does is perfect… I am sure it is…

I thank Him for allowing us to enjoy Gonz for the last 45 years…

Like most of you I will never be able to understand why God did what He did…

The sadness and sorrow of his loss will never go away with time…

God wanted him so much that He could not wait anymore….

Thank you Gonz for all the laughter, jokes, motivation, understanding, love, caring and everything that you brought along with you…

No one and nothing will ever be able to replace the relationship we shared… I thank God for giving us this past holiday together which I will never ever be able to forget.

It started right from the lounge at the airport in goa and culminated on Monday morning…

This article may not be good with regards to literary skill and other aspects but is one which has come straight from my heart. I have just spoken out everything what I feel about Gonz. Thank you Gonz. We will always love and remember you.

Nikhil

Goa, India